Tell her she can't have a vagina
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
