After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
