i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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