I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
