one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
is that a dick in a sweater?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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