why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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