she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need to calm my uterus...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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