I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
