So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
