when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
