I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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