I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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