the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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