It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
