she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize