Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
