I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
