sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
