Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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