Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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