im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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