ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
