Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
