He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
