I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
