Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
