well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
