woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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