My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
