What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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