I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
