just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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