in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
