it was like his penis was on wheels.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
