I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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