would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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