____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
