he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
