so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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