R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
