I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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