I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
