I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
