what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
