I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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