Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My ATM looks so different sober.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
