We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
