Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize