in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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