Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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