I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
