I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
