hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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