4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
