Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
