We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
