Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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