woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
