Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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