Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
