Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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