"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
a search helicopter?!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
