Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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