it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
