Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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