When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
