my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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