My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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