there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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