We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
