Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
