Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
