her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
